If everything is relative, if concrete truth truly seizes to exist, than why the guilt and the pain?  Why the innate idea that I should be and feel and act a certain way. Something inside of me, something I can't ignore tells me one thing and yet I do the opposite time and time again.  It's like the threads that stitch me together are working their way loose and all of me is coming undone.  you and you alone, You are where I want to be.

Hillsong United fills my ears. Though I feel so very far from home I feel secure. Secure in the fact that regardless of where my position on the globe or on life's map, that God knows my next move. Figuring out life's purpose is an interesting thing. Sometimes it takes sitting in some no name hotel in Scotland to realize what piece you are in the puzzle that is eternity. Outside are city streets i know nothing of, shops i'll never buy from, mountains i'll never explore. Despite all of this, I don't feel lost or confused. I know where home is but it seems too far away to feel. this cold and empty hotel room has no heart, just a place to lie your head and prepare for another day. Away from loved ones, away from security, away from what some might call my future.

Once you find yourself outside the bubble you're born into you realize how big the world really is. And inside of this huge world are millions of miniscual people just like yourself. Souls who were discarded and never put back on the shelf. Inside every heart of every kid I met tonight is a soul yearning for geniune love. Love `that doesn't leave when the going gets hard. Love that says it's ok and picks you back up when all is lost. You see, I wear the same size shoes as the kid next to me yet he still asks about mine. It's not what I say that breaks him. It's not even what I have. It's what's been made available to me. The funny thing is, I feel that kid's hurt. I see what he sees and feel the wrong done to him.

One man can't change another man's past, even God can't erase the pages that life turns over. and even though miles and miles of mysterious land and water seperate home from me it won't ever seperate me from home. I carry it with me and hand out just enough to put that hope back in others lives. That starving kid on the corner knows pain and that abused kid with the makeup knows abuse. Those bullies in the alley know insecurity and that kid with his head buried in his hands knows true despair.

Everyone familiarizes themselves with a certain emotion but few actually find that emotion where emotions can be found, where emotions should be found. I don't have all the answers infront of me but I've got a few pieces figured out. No distance or darkness can stop me from believing, from searching, from loving what will always love me back. a God who loves when love is anything but deserved.